[22:52] PoobTheBoob: tell me a story
[22:52] IAMSpartacus117: okay.
[22:52] IAMSpartacus117: the only reason this happened is because I haven't been able to deal with my anger lately... because of the stress of working and my parents moving. like waking up after only four hours and going to sleep in my car.
[22:53] IAMSpartacus117: so I was driving to work and this guy pulled out and cut me off. and I instantly decided to punish him by tailing him, which I usually don't do. And never thought I would do, because it's dangerous for like ten reasons, to instigate road rage.
[22:53] IAMSpartacus117: but I wanted to punish him.
[22:54] IAMSpartacus117: so he taps his breaks. I tap my breaks. He put on his breaks harder and more sudden and I did the same, but I kept on his ass.
[22:54] IAMSpartacus117: and he slowed down and finally stopped all the way and got out of his car and came over and pointed his big fat finger (even though he wasn't fat) at my window and told me to get off his ass or he would call the cops.
[22:55] IAMSpartacus117: So I rolled down my window and he put his finger in my face and said it again and I told him to go ahead, so I could tell the cops how he cut me off.
[22:55] IAMSpartacus117: And thankfully, he didn't do much else. I told him to pull over and let me pass. he told me to go ahead and pass illegally in a no passing zone. and I told him to Pull Over And Let Me Pass. So he got in his car and he pulled over and I zoomed ahead.
[22:56] IAMSpartacus117: Oh I forgot to say that the only reason I did it is because he was going under the speed limit and I was in a hurry. I don't mind when people cut me off. I really don't. But when they cut me off and THEN go under the speed limit. And there's a no passing zone. That drives me nuts. If you're in such a hurry that you can't wait five seconds for me to pass, you must be in such a hurry that you can at least go the speed limit.
[22:57] IAMSpartacus117: So after I saw that he was going only 50 in a 55. :p then I started tailing him.
[22:57] IAMSpartacus117: He looked about 40 and I think he was gay, by the sound of his voice.
[22:59] IAMSpartacus117: I better not tell Amelia and Loren about that story. It'll only fuel their "melissa is the worst driver ever" campaign.
[23:00] PoobTheBoob: that sht happens to me all the time
[23:00] PoobTheBoob: so annoying
[23:01] IAMSpartacus117: people pulling over and yelling at you? or cutting you off and then going 15 under the speed limit?
[23:01] PoobTheBoob: cutting me off then goin slow
[23:01] IAMSpartacus117: yeah. it sucks really bad.
[23:03] IAMSpartacus117: my mom selling the house is really stressing me out.
[23:03] IAMSpartacus117: when we moved from Utah, that was the absolute worst time in my life.
[23:05] IAMSpartacus117: like it's not so much the fact that she's doing it in the first place. It's the way she does it. the things she does. Like cleaning my room and taking all the stuff I use and putting it in the bathroom or the attic. Instead of leaving it right there. Like someone's not going to buy the house because there's a bottle of lotion on my damn table.
[23:05] IAMSpartacus117: The table my mirror was sitting on broke because the mirror fell because they moved it to put that dresser in my room.
[23:06] IAMSpartacus117: I can't find my yum yum cups, and that's their fault for moving things out of my old room and putting them God knows where. even though that happened a year ago. I'm thinking about how when I move half of the things I expected to still have will be thrown away because my mom always does that behind my back.
[23:06] IAMSpartacus117: this shit combined with working on my feet for eight hours a day, is just making me almost completely incapable of keeping my equilibrium.
[23:08] PoobTheBoob: life sucks
[23:09] IAMSpartacus117: that's the thing. It usually doesn't for me. I'm so optimistic, positive, happy, satisfied. I have problems, but I overcome them.
[23:09] IAMSpartacus117: LIfe is good for me.
[23:10] IAMSpartacus117: But making stupid quiznos subs all day and dealing with my INSANE, ILLOGICAL mom is just not working for me.
[23:10] IAMSpartacus117: even though I'm done with that for now.
[23:10] IAMSpartacus117: quiznos.
[23:10] IAMSpartacus117: I start Starbucks on Tuesday.
[23:11] IAMSpartacus117: To be honest, I'm going to miss Quiznos. It was getting fun, especially since I finally know how to do things and where everything is.
[23:11] IAMSpartacus117: But oh well.
[23:12] IAMSpartacus117: I had just started to flirt with the cute Bulgarians from the pizza place.
[23:12] IAMSpartacus117: now I'll never see them.
[23:12] IAMSpartacus117: and they go back to Bulgaria soon, I think.
[23:13] IAMSpartacus117: you probably haven't, but have you ever heard of Jon and Justin Strata? from c-a?
[23:13] IAMSpartacus117: they're twins.
[23:13] PoobTheBoob: nope
[23:14] IAMSpartacus117: oh.
[23:15] IAMSpartacus117: well one of them works in quiznos and the other works in starbucks.
[23:16] IAMSpartacus117: Jon is the one I've been working with. he's kind of a jerk. he was being mean to me today. Like not mean, mean. But mean as in he was giving me shit and I was giving him shit. But it was still shit. So I was making subs and he was bitching about them so I told him to stop standing there smug and to help me. And he said he didn't know what smug meant and I told him I didn't have time to explain it to him, so he told me to go on break and right down the definition for him. So I did.
[23:16] IAMSpartacus117: and gave it to him.
[23:16] IAMSpartacus117: Though he probably didn't read it.
[23:16] IAMSpartacus117: he was a little bit nicer to me after that. Not nice, just, he stopped the meanness.
[23:17] IAMSpartacus117: In any case, from what I've seen, his brother is a little bit nicer.
[23:17] IAMSpartacus117: One of the girls at Starbucks even said so when I told her Jon threatened to make me cry because I put bacon on one of the sandwiches that it wasn't supposed to be on.
[23:18] IAMSpartacus117: So I'm kind of glad to be dealing with Justin instead of Jon.
[23:18] IAMSpartacus117: He's a superviser, so he gets to boss me around a bit.
[23:21] IAMSpartacus117: he even wears a white shirt and Jon wears a black shirt.
[23:21] IAMSpartacus117: I think that says a lot :p
[23:21] IAMSpartacus117: Jon is the evil twin.

[23:46] IAMSpartacus117: I'm going to watch James Bond. :)
[23:47] IAMSpartacus117: it soothes me.
[23:47] PoobTheBoob: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bet
[23:47] IAMSpartacus117: no, it really does. it's very simple, uncomplicated, unemotional.
[23:47] IAMSpartacus117: dependable.
[23:48] IAMSpartacus117: he kills people and it's not big deal. he sleeps around and it's no big deal. he gets all the bad guys in the end.
[23:48] IAMSpartacus117: realistically, he's a shitty person. but there's something simple, uncomplicated, unemotional, dependable and thus, soothing about it.

[22:18] IAMSpartacus117: I don't like it when I can tell that my perception of reality is biased.
[22:19] IAMSpartacus117: Like, whenever I like a guy, I always put him on a pedestal, when he doesn't deserve it. like Mike. Jeezus, how could I have ever admired him.
[22:19] IAMSpartacus117: Like, when I want someone, I make myself believe things so that wanting them makes sense.
[22:20] IAMSpartacus117: and when I do it, I always have a grand take on it. like soul mates and meant to be and just huge things of that nature, destiny and all that crap.
[22:20] IAMSpartacus117: I always put a deep, spiritual spin on it.
[22:20] IAMSpartacus117: when it probably doesn't deserve it.
[22:21] IAMSpartacus117: Personally, I think we all do it, with everything, in huge ways and small ways. we all spin reality to believe what we need to believe.
[22:22] IAMSpartacus117: but it irritates me that I can simultaneously do it and realize I'm doing it. because then I get to see how foolish I am.
[22:23] IAMSpartacus117: and I hate how my sense of worth is all about being special.
[22:23] IAMSpartacus117: I think I'm extremely special. I really do. I'm completely full of myself.
[22:24] IAMSpartacus117: I skipped a grade. I find myself specially beautiful. a rarity for my wisdom and intelligence.
[22:25] IAMSpartacus117: I, myself, put my own qualities on a pedestal, which is fine because I'm happy to be what I admire. But I'm doubly full of myself because I am all those qualities that I admire. like I'm special for choosing to be that way, amazing, brilliant.
[22:25] IAMSpartacus117: the only reason I do it is because I have no other defined self worth. and I need something. because it sucks to hate myself.
[22:26] IAMSpartacus117: but being proud of myself doesn't give me a solid, healthy self worth. it's just shit.
[22:26] IAMSpartacus117: it gives me mood swings of self worth.
[22:27] IAMSpartacus117: if I look beautiful, I love myself. but if I get a sense of any of my flaws I throw them out of proportion and I loathe myself.
[22:27] IAMSpartacus117: if I'm not the most intelligent person around I feel empty. like I'm nothing without my "special" status.
[22:28] IAMSpartacus117: In some ways I do stand out, at least from the people I know. but I don't want that to be my defined self worth.
[22:29] IAMSpartacus117: I don't want to put the fact that I stand out as a magnificent quality, so that I focus on it and blow it out of proportion so that I'll have something to hang on to.
[22:30] IAMSpartacus117: I don't want to need other people to be lowly, dense, ugly, horrible etc just to contrast all my good qualities.
[22:31] IAMSpartacus117: I wouldn't usually talk to you like this. I try not to get too deep with "average people"... in other words, almost every single person I know, literally probably every teenager I know.
[22:31] IAMSpartacus117: But fuck my arrogance.
[22:31] IAMSpartacus117: perhaps there are lots of people who can and care to see under the surface.
[22:31] IAMSpartacus117: I'm tired of wanting to be the only one.
Session Close (PoobTheBoob): Sun Aug 17 22:32:44 2008


Session Start (IAMSpartacus117:PoobTheBoob): Sun Aug 17 22:35:19 2008
[22:35] IAMSpartacus117: you have to stop being so quiet.
[22:36] IAMSpartacus117: people who like to talk always assume that people who don't like to talk automatically like to listen.
[22:36] IAMSpartacus117: not that I particularly believe you to enjoy listening to me talk. just the opposite. but when you don't talk I take that as an invitation to ramble. like you're my diary.
[22:36] IAMSpartacus117: if you emote more, express yourself more, I'll say less.
[22:37] IAMSpartacus117: it's almost like I forget your individuality, and thus feel comfortable. so essentially, it's like having a conversation with myself in your presence.
[22:37] IAMSpartacus117: but if I sense your personality more, I'll be intimidated and have less to say.
[22:38] IAMSpartacus117: cause I'm afraid to connect with people.
[22:39] IAMSpartacus117: but I guess you have nothing to say.
[22:39] IAMSpartacus117: you probably don't like connecting with people either... judging by your friendship choices, or lack thereof.