Wow. I can't type with two bandaids and a finger condom on my pinkie. Wait, just kidding, I can still type.

There's this guy at work. He's Bulgarian? Or something. He doesn't work with me, he works in another place. I asked him for a fork the other day on my break.

I like him. I know zero about him. Haven't said more than 20 words to him. But I like him. Weird, how you can single somebody out. Understandable if it's purely for looks. But it's not.

I think... just the way he said those ten words to me and looked at me then and today... it makes me feel more - something - than James has ever, in all the time that I've known him.

Sometimes you compromise yourself, I guess. And you feel that it's worth it. But when it comes down to it, you really don't want someone you have to beg for. You want someone who appreciates you, likes you, wants you. James doesn't at all. He's so apathetic about me. Even when I feel close to him, I still don't feel that he likes me.

I feel like this guy at work appreciates me ten times more than James just by making eye contact with the guy for like 7 seconds.

Is that sad or what? It's that type of feeling that you don't forget. Ha. Sometimes that's all it comes down to. Of all the people there, I'm interested in him, just because of the way it makes me feel when he looks at me. The other guys, the pizza guys, have not been interested at all. Which makes them boring to me.

It's exciting to be wanted.

I can't really say that this guy from RR wants me, but whatever it is that I read in his eyes, I liked it.

He's very, very tall.

I wish I could wear my hair down at work. It's self-obsessed, I know. I look beautiful with my hair down, because hair is beautiful to me. It brings out the femininity and loveliness in my features. I look rather plain with my hair up. Not ugly, just plain, in my opinion. But as I said, I'm self-obsessed and narcissistic. And it gives me great pleasure to see that sparkle - something alluring that draws people in - in my face. I don't have that when my hair is up and I'm very unsatisfied without it.

But naturally, people don't want long golden hair in their sandwiches. I can almost understand. Almost.

I'm going to the dark side. I don't want to live to regret it.

Really all I mean is that I'm going to Starbucks. :p but everybody keeps warning me that it's unpleasant, drama and assholes and attitude. I'm not even talking about the customers.

I want to work at the pizza place. I'm unsatisfied everywhere, of course. But the pizza place seems like the nicest environment. I can't work there, though. Destiny works there. I can't work there anyway because my managers will be like wtf if I keep changing my mind. I did think about working at the travel mart. See what I mean? I can't make up my mind. But that's because, as I said, I'd really rather not be any of the places.

I really don't want to go to Starbucks, now. Too dim, those stripes kill me. But I want the beautiful green apron. I like quiznos but the things I don't like about it I'm so excited to be rid of. At least I know for certain that I don't want to work at RR. But that's where that guy works... :p

I wish I could love people more. And let people love me more.

It does bring me a social confidence. Being around people. A work environment does give you a sense of family, a sense of having a household right there on the premises. For me, it gives me a sense of belonging. When I feel out of place, I can't have social confidence. But I work there, I've been hired, I have a uniform, I have duties. That gives me a security that helps me open up and be happier, feel safer.

My hair looks yellow in the quiznos lights. Yellow. Not blonde. Not gray. Not dirty blonde. Not brown. Not white blonde. Yellow. It is the pure color of yellow straw. With perhaps a little more shimmer. But you can never tell cause I always have it in one long braid.

I miss that guy from work. I've spent like a total of one minute in his presence but I thoroughly enjoyed that one minute and I'd like to try another minute or two. I don't know that I will, being in Starbucks. *sigh*. Fucking decisions...