I should start reading again. Now that I'm not sick anymore, I remember what it feels like to be comfortable and happy. I just went out into the living room (cause I just woke up) and my mom is playing ew chorus music. I don't know what you would call it, chorale music? Like the stuff that church choirs sing. Hate it. I love classical music, I even like opera, but I cannot stand church choir music. This one was a particularly horrible piece.

Loren is... negative. And I knew I had to get out of there. Even if the fire is out there and it's a bit cold in here.

I miss those nights when I watch TV alone in my room and I read my stories. Haven't had that because I was too miserable and my skin was very sensitive, being miserable in a cold room was ten times worse.

Melissa needs her alone time. Where she can devise her own habitat, with her own vibration, ambiance, mood. Yes, I'm in control. It's too difficult being me and being with other people. There are too many variables that are usually interrupted with something that will irritate me and if enough variables are pushed or I'm in the right mood to be egged on, I'll be very miserable.

I guess that's why I go to the movies with my friends [to see Saw] but then instead I watch Chicken Little while they are in the other movie theater. The variables suck ten times worse if I know I don't want to be there. Like if I go to a movie just to be with friends, but they picked the movie. The irritation would have been too much.

It strikes me how independent I am. Should I be worried? Glad? All I want to do is kill those two spiders on my wall. Ugh.