So everytime I look at someone and I'm not smiling, and I'm not frowning, and I'm just looking. They think I'm either giving them and evil, mean look or I'm sad, or I'm bored. I don't know. Like, people don't know what to do if I look at them with an empty expression. So they just make something up. They even do it with pictures! That picture I had on Facebook for a while. David told me I looked mean, Katie told me I looked sad and Ron just told me basically that I needed to change it because it was scary or something. And it's, sooo, none of those things. To me, it looks honest. It's like, everything else is dark but my face is illuminated and there's no expression, it's just me. Me, not emotions. Just me. Can nobody comprehend that? What is a person without a feeling - apparently.

I think it just intimidates people that I don't react. Like, I don't really get giddy and smile and laugh when people say stuff. I think that would be a better reaction. I will smile if you flirt with me. At least I've got that down. But Ashley was talking about how she needed to go to bed, cause she'd been up since 5 AM and had only gone home at 3 AM because she was "gettin her freak on." (She's black, so it makes perfect sense for her to say this.) I just thought I'd add that.

In any case. I didn't say anything, and she took it to mean that I thought she was really weird for telling me too much information and etc. And she told me I had to get used to her. And I said, I don't have virgin ears.

Cause none of this stuff shocks me, surprises me or weirds me out. But it's like, if I don't react. People don't know what to do, so they fill in the blanks. It probably makes them uncomfortable. I guess socially, people read expressions and emotions in order to assess the situation. And when I don't react, they can't assess the situation, so they feel uncomfortable. I guess it's a little unfair. I mean, they always get it wrong, because I don't think with my emotions. I think with my analysis. Orrrrrr, I really don't think about these things. I guess I'm kind of arrogant. Like when my manager, Pam, is saying things and I don't react. I'm really thinking, hi, I'm not an idiot. Believe it or not, I know 95% of what you're explaining to me right now. So then she thinks that I'm sad...

With Ashley, I didn't think anything. Because it didn't surprise me or shock me. It didn't make ME feel uncomfortable. It sounded pretty normal to me. Actually, it probably made me think of the last time I had sex. And how I wanted to go around telling people that I'd done it the next day at work.

Anyway, I do feel very enclosed when I'm with people. Because I'm having a social experience but a lot of that experience is inside my head, and I don't share that with people. Even when I'm like in the storeroom alone, I smile to myself when I think of something funny or pleasant. Usually about James. It's like I do actually express my emotions, but when I'm alone. It's just, I don't react very much to strangers. Because, I don't react to strangers emotionally. Maybe some annoyance. But I try to hide that from Pam.

Although, I always smile and talk with the customers. They flirt with me or compliment me some times.

Anywayyyy, I want to go see my niece. So BYE.