To:
Hazel Mae Hazel Mae

myspace.com/nakedhazel

Date:
Sep 30, 2008 9:19 PM
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Subject:

RE: just a note

Body:
Aw. Thank you! That was very sweet and heartfelt. I'm glad you feel that way because it's hard to get to know siblings when they live far away. Even if we got to know each other a little bit when we were younger, we've both done so much growing since then that we really haven't had very many opportunities to get to know each other at present. So, I'm happy that you're still getting a sense of some of my expression. Of course, I'm still growing immensely every day, so I don't even know who I'll be in a couple of years.

I am starting a bit of a new life. Living on my own. Something that you and Amelia haven't even really experienced because when you moved out you were either with a boyfriend or a husband or kids, same with Amelia. And most of our brothers have also shared places with each other.

And even though I have a lot of emotional and intellectual maturity, I have always been afraid to go out in the world and interact with it, and with people. So paying bills and having financial independence and interacting with landlords and bosses and store clerks in a way that I've never been able to before brings out a side of my personality that I've not yet experienced.

I work at a travel plaza on the thruway. I first started in Quiznos but now I'm in Starbucks. And that's pretty new, having a full time job other than babysitting. This is my first. I don't particularly like having 40 hours of my week taken away from me, of course. Ever since I dropped out of high school I've had so much free time, but I think I abused the privilege and didn't do anything productive with it, so I feel better about using my time responsibly. And now that I've gotten to know the people at the plaza and I've made some friends, it's actually fun to be at work. I haven't gotten this type of interaction since high school, not even in college.

I'm not going to college this semester because I'm writing my book and I wanted to give myself a few months to settle into work and living on my own before I gave myself other pressing engagements. I have to work around my full-time work schedule for school in the spring. But then I'll be done with two-year college and I'll have to see where I'm heading next. I have no clue what I'll do. I guess I might just stay here and go to Albany University, since it's closer than all the rest.

So my landlord has a fairly big house and half of it is their family's house. They have like six kids. And then the other half of the house has an upstairs apartment and a ground level apartment. So I just have a cozy one bedroom apartment, the downstairs one, which I'm grateful for because it has beautiful big windows and it's much easier to move in furniture. It was a little bit ironic that before mom or dad had found a place and before Amelia had found an apartment, I found mine and moved in. I've been living here for five weeks. It was suprising, since I seemed to be the least likely to do it. In fact, mom and dad AND both Amelia and Loren were worried that I wouldn't be able to even pay for half of the rent while we were considering getting an apartment together. And now I'm doing fine all on my own.

Sometimes people think that because you haven't done something all along that it means you won't be able to do it. But their pessimism hasn't really stopped me. I didn't have a job... until I did. And I didn't pay rent.... until I did. And it's as simple as that.

Though mom has supported me immensely. And I feel bad because she hasn't been supporting Amelia as much. In a way, whenever she's supporting Amelia, it's more like she's supporting Isis. Like by babysitting Isis or buying Isis things. And Amelia probably doesn't feel like SHE gets enough help from mom, because she doesn't realize that mom feels she's doing enough already by helping Isis. Whereas I have no one but myself, so everything I receive is for me... and it seems like everything Amelia receives is for Isis.

But we all make our own lives, by our own choices. And I can't feel guilty for having a life that I enjoy, when Amelia gets stressed out in her own life, because she's the one who made good and bad decisions in the first place, and the one who will continue to do so. And if she wants something better, she's going to have to decide to get it.

She's just moved into an apartment in Catskill, but she isn't as settled as I am, for whatever reason. I have a one year lease but hers is monthly, so she has the option to leave if she finds something better. She also has two weeks free. Though hers is the very top apartment and that really sucks. Sooo many stairs.

I'll send you some pictures of my apartment in a few days. And thank you for remembering the pictures from when you were here, take your time. It must be hard moving all over the place.

Amelia and I did see the pictures of your bus. But we didn't really know what to say. Does his job really make you move so often that you can't have a permanent home? I'm not sure I could do it. But if it works for you, then it works for you. So Evan lives in Arizona?

Thanks for writing me, it was nice to hear from you. :) Love, Melissa.




----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Hazel Mae
Date: Sep 29, 2008 3:39 PM


The littlest baby in the family is all growed up and moved to climax! How does it feel? I see a bright future ahead of you, the little girl that i used to know has turned into a beautiful, highly intelligent person.

I'm just putting this out there, but out of all of us siblings, I see you as being the most successful.

Your not the kinda person that will let anybody stop you from getting what you want. You already know better and you don't need anybody to tell you what 'they would do, in your situation' cause there not in your situation...and you probably got the best brains in the family! Your more traveled and experience than most of us, and you survived childhood...honestly, i didn't think you had it in you. You always wanted to be right, it seemed like you were destined to rebel.

no really, how does it feel? sometimes I wish i could go back and have my whole life in front of me. Nobody told me back then, but these next few years really are the most important years of your life. I used to think that...maybe i didn't really know it all, even though when I was 17 it felt like I knew it all. now that i'm all grown and married with a family, I really do think I knew way more when I was 17 then I do now...kinda sad really.

I just stopped by your page, to see what the new apartment looked like, but there aren't any pictures. I got to looking at your quotes (i read them sometimes) and then your pictures . And it dawned on me. You really are something, ('something else' but I can't think of the right word) I noticed how your self-expression is beautiful, eloquent and confident. Maybe Eloquent is a good word to describe you with.

Merriam Webster says Eloquent is: 'Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin eloquent-, eloquens, from present participle of eloqui to speak out, from e- + loqui to speak
Date: 14th century

1 : marked by forceful and fluent expression
2 : vividly or movingly expressive or revealing'

Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me. We just moved to Anthony, KS. The bus is coming along well. Did mom tell you we bought a 40' school bus that we're converting into an RV? Tucker and Cameron are having fun, I enrolled them in school and the company made us move to Kansas(last night.) So there not getting an education right now. Evan and I decided it would be a good time for them to move in with him. Next week their moving to live with there dad in Phoenix, AZ. I'm still taking classes online from the University of Utah, I'm a sophomore now and I've completed like 50 credit hours or something. I still have 70 to go for my bachelors. I haven't forgot about your cd of wedding/waterfall pics you asked me about a month ago. I don't know whether you can believe it or not but I have been moving constantly since then. So far this month (just September) we've 'lived' in Salt Lake City,UT Atoka,OK Ardmore,OK Muenster,TX and Anthony,KS.

I put some pics of the bus on my blog. So when you get time check them out. And let me see this new place of yours.

Love,
Your Favorite Sister


P.S. when your doing well (i.e. rich and famous) don't forget about your bestest big sister!!!!