Ugh. I'm going to miss Iliya. He leaves in two days. :(:( He always hugs me from behind and his head is right by my neck and my face. It's intimate. And he gives reeeeeally good shoulder massages. It makes my body tingle all over. It feels really good. Much better than James's massages. Puh. :(:(

Ugh. I'm left with Joe. Who I like. But who is lacking. He doesn't have aaaaanything to say. Not that I can guarantee that Iliya would if we hung out outside of work. But that makes Joe less interesting. Which makes him boring. Which is not appealing. And the sexiness of Iliya is on my mind. Which makes Joe less appealing.

I told Joe I wouldn't go out with him. It's too hard with him being a high school student. He's tied down to that life, and I don't want to be tied down to it as well. And if he was my boyfriend, it would matter. It won't while he isn't my boyfriend but I would care if he was my boyfriend. I like that he's my friend immediately. That he hangs out with me at work and hugs me and visits me and texts me.

But there needs to be some sexiness, some intrigue, something interesting to spark my emotions. Cause right now I mostly just find him really sweet, but a bit plain or dull.

I think Iliya appeals to me cause he's going soon. If he was staying, I'd be anxious about the idea of hugging him. I would feel anxious about the idea of hanging out with him outside of work and finding things to talk about and do. I would feel anxious about the idea of being intimate with him. Right now it's sexy and sweet but it wouldn't be if he was staying.

God. I am really tired of this.