I have totally just figured out my problem, why I can't write my book, or haven't been able to, in any case.

I think it's that I'm afraid to capture these thoughts and beliefs and feelings that ultimately make up my wisdom. I'm afraid to put them down on paper. I feel that when I do, they're incomplete. I have so many amazing things to say but if I put them in a book, I have to have a beginning and an end. They have to be complete. And the understanding, cannot fully be translated into my book.

I feel the understanding of these topics, I believe in them. And I'd like to share them with people who may believe in them as well, but once I do, I'm attempting to close the box. Not in so much a final way, but in my portrayal to the world. I'm writing the way I feel to people and I want them to understand but it seems impossible to both present it in a way that they can understand as well as complete a book for them to read in the first place.

I think I'm afraid to lose some of the wisdom in trying to make the people understand. If I try to be coherent, which I'm SO avoiding, will I lose some of the truth? I often pull up a page and write and get my thoughts out. And I like having my thoughts documented so I don't lose them. The notes are so incomplete. I always feel like I'd have to adjust so many things to make them presentable to the world.



Damn. I've lost that revelation, that feeling or understanding that I had a minute ago. I can't formulate the idea even in my head. I'm suddenly blocked.


I guess I'm meant to stop, then.