Isn't it funny how John is always home and online Sunday night through Wed night? So he keeps me up on all my school days. I'm finally done Thursday night and ready to talk and he's gone!

I've had so much insomnia lately. It might have something to do with John. I mean it's obvious that when I'm talking to him it keeps me up. But even when I'm not talking to him I still lay in bed for hours. I only had one night where, because I'd missed so much sleep the previous two nights I was ready to pass our for ten hours or so.

It might have more to do with John. A restlessness on my part. But what I'm restless about I'm not quite sure.

The other morning, at four in the morning, John and I decided to go to Hudson. To Taco Bell even though he knew full well it wasn't open. It was a terrible morning. My defroster doesn't work so I was blind the whole way there. I absolutely hate Hudson, but I'm also unaccustomed to driving there so coupled with the fact that I was blind and unfamiliar, I got lost. And I was so hungry and cold and irritated and stressed and John had no compassion. Boys. The more chance you have of running off the road, the funner it is for them.

I finally came back home at 6AM. I promised myself I'd never go into Hudson again. But I promised Amelia I'd drive Isis to her dad's house, which happens to be in Hudson. Not only that but I didn't know where it was so between classes yesterday Amelia drove me past it to show me where it is and we got Subway. And then I dropped her off there a half an hour ago.

I had such a profound sense of loss as soon as she was gone. I was chatting with her the whole way there. I adjusted my mirror so we could see each other without me turning around. I've only driven her all by myself once before so I'm not used to having her there with me, keeping me company. But I adjusted quickly and was bothered about not having her there to talk to and look at while I drove back. It made me want to cry. Now I know why she cries every time I leave for school.

My parents are going back to Colombia soon. Next week I think. I didn't get very much sleep but I don't know if I'm ready to go back to sleep again. Sleep feels like such a waste of time. Maybe that's what it is... I guess I've grown used to talking to John and I like to do it. It just feels more worthwhile than sleeping. I can't say that it really is more worthwhile, it's possibly a waste of time. But it's something I want to do and the idea of sleeping instead of talking to him doesn't please me. And the idea of sleeping even when he's not talking to me doesn't please me because I'm patiently waiting for him to be able to talk to me. I'm still giving that up when I go to sleep. Even if he's gone, he could come back.

These are subconscious feelings. I mean, I'm not consciously missing him. But I do like talking to him. I don't know why. I guess he's the most real friend I've had for a while. Since James stopped hanging out with me. And I like to have dependable companionship sometimes.