Rob... the guy I left off the 117 to, but then gave him the right screen name later on, just asked me if I wanted to hang out. He said it didn't have to be a date if I didn't want it to be. And I told him I prefered it not be a date. I'm not the dating type.

He's okay... but I don't like his voice. It's very weak. The other night I was thinking about his voice and I was like bleh... and then I thought about Dan's voice. It's so much... pleasanter than Rob's voice. Rob's voice irritates me. That's why I sent the text to Dan saying I missed his voice.

Now that Rob is becoming my friend I'm beginning to get minor bothered feelings. How do I find a good reason to be friends with someone when I don't want to be friends with them?

I feel sad for all the people that repulse me. It's hard to discern what people mean to me. Because I'm so turned off to getting close to people in general. There are a lot of people I enjoy at a distance but I panic as soon as they become interested in me. Like I suddenly feel like my space is being taken from me.

Call me superficial. But life would be so much easier if sexy people went after me. I think even if I can't emotionally give very many people anything, I still enjoy the superficial attentions of sexy people. Like James. I like flirting with them. So I think I would find it easier to be around people I was attracted to. Whereas, if I'm not attracted to them, and I feel the walls closing in on me when they're around, it doesn't help that I'm also bothered by their attentions because they're not aesthetically pleasing. I mean, I would never feel the walls closing in on me by hanging out with Mike. Although Chandler was pretty cute and I didn't let him kiss me. But he made me feel a little uncomfortable. His personality didn't put me at ease.

I want to hang out with Mike. He's always hanging out with that girl from my Western Civilizations class. She glares a lot. I may have said this before. Mike is beautiful. VERY aesthetically pleasing I tell you. Although I don't feel beautiful enough for him. All the guys I've dated have been very average looking. None of them have been very hunky. I think my ex Mike could have been but he had some quirky flaws that kept him from completing the look. Anyway my point is, I wonder if I could even handle having a hunky boyfriend. I'm a pretty average looking girl. Nothing spectacular. I think it would be hard for me to feel like I deserve to be with someone hunky. You know? I guess I'm just intimidated, to put it simply, by very sexy guys.