You know, I just have to keep wondering why it felt so good to be pressed against John and the like. I'm not reminiscing. I'm wishing I had some yumminess going on here and whenever I get to this point I come to a halt cause who the hell am I supposed to be kissing and touching in my mind?

And I know now that John doesn't mean anything to me. That all the things that I liked about him didn't really turn out to be accurate reflections of him. What I saw and liked of his behavior was sincerely his behavior but I drew conclusions from his behavior that weren't really accurate. The more I got to know him the less I liked.

So how come he felt so good? I'm just used to not being able to feel for someone I don't feel for. You know what I mean? I can think of any ordinary person and imagine being presse---

Oh yeah. The trust thing. I trusted him.