I'm really sad that Loren is gone. And he forgot to give me the $30 left over from my birthday money. I was going to get a haircut! I hope he doesn't come back broke. :p

He comes back in August. My parents are putting the house on the market in August. And then moving to Virginia. And I guess I'll stay in NY, get an apartment with Amelia and Isis or something.

Loren still hasn't told everybody that he's going to Europe. He's like, at the airport right now and he still hasn't told Colin and Tristan and Stephanie and his dad. Stephanie knew that he planned to go but he probably hasn't told her that he's on his way.

I guess they're unsupportive or something. He doesn't want to deal with their negative energy. I wish I could do that. Save up money and go traveling behind someone's back and then be like BAM, I JUST CAME BACK FROM ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, GERMANY, FRANCE, ITALY, SPAIN, PORTUGAL, SWEDEN!!!!! What now? And they'll be like, I don't believe you. And I'll be like, lucky I bought a camera that holds like 30,000 pictures. Wanna see?

Yeah. I would tell the secret way before I'd even saved up the money. Oh well.

I didn't really tell everybody about my book. Probably for the same reason he didn't tell people. It's like, oh, you're going to travel huh? Well, good luck with the dream... as if you're going to achieve it. They probably couldn't picture Loren achieving it and it's the same with me, because I'm so young, it's hard to imagine me finishing a book. But I've just got two names for you... Eragon and Amelia. The kid who wrote Eragon, Christopher Pasomething was like 18. And those are good books. And then Amelia Atwater-Rhodes wrote like three books by the time she was 17, the first when she was like 14.

Yeah. And theirs was fiction. I don't know if I could do a novel, but I know I can talk about myself - I already have like 3,000 journal entries.

It's funny though. I told my psychology teacher because he told me I was special and had a good insight into psychological matters. He doesn't like the idea of self-analyzation, introspection. But he's a loser then, because that's the most valuable insight into the psyche. So I told him about my book.

And then when my philosophy teacher pulled me aside, I told him about my book, because my book is a lot about the themes that run through Eastern Philosophy - although it doesn't have a drop of Western Philosophy because those guys are complete losers.

And then I told my Creative Writing teacher because she had us do a journal entry that began with "I used to believe..." and I said that I used to believe that my input as a teenager would all be negated and made irrelevant by the years to proceed. And maybe that's still true, things will change. But I don't think it matters as much. It's a process. And all the steps are important, including the ones that I go through while I'm a teenager. I now find them very valuable. So I told her about my book.

And I told my English class. She asked us to go around the room and say something that we'd written and liked and I said my unfinished book, which is mostly a composite of journal entries so far.

I guess I didn't really keep the secret. lol. But I couldn't wait until I was done writing it because it's already been a couple years since I decided to do it. I'm getting impatient. lol. I can't wait to be able to say that it's done. Even though, the people I know do not seem like the right kind of audience. But it would be nice if they were. It's a spiritual progression type of a book but whatever.

I think that's the hard part. I tell people it's a memoir, but it's not about my life on the shallow level. It's about my psyche and my beliefs and about my own spiritual progress and my perspective of the world and life. It's my analysis and my understanding and my growth and my coping with the world as I see it.

Anyway, I finally told the one professor I talked to the most, Longley. And she was kind of shocked. Which is funny. Because, I've had her for two consecutive semesters and I've talked to her privately a lot during this one. And I've never mentioned it and I'm sure she wondered if I'd been planning this for a long time or if I'd just thought of it. So I kind of had the effect I was hoping for. :)

Too many people want a free copy of my book though. And they have got to understand the the whole point of publishing a book is not so you can hand out a dozen copies for free, okay? The whole point is to make money by selling them!