Now what was I going to say? I came to post but I got distracted by Loren's post. He posted pictures from London.

Hmm. Oh yes, my dreams. Kind of weird dreams. Always weird dreams. But the last one was weird cause I came out to go to school and Erin was in my car. So I was like, okay, and I took her with me. So I go to class and I don't know how it happened but it was epic. With dragons and dungeons and all kinds of stuff. So I finally come out at like 9PM and Erin is still sitting in my car and I feel so bad that I forgot about her and I forgot that I had my "field trip" or whatever that day. She says she understands, she's in college too and all.

So I start driving but it's all hokey, my brakes don't work very well so I keep running stop signs and driving on the wrong side of the road. Like. Imagine the traffic going opposite ways. I'm on the other side of the white line, of the opposite cars, as if there's a third lane. Not a good idea. And I didn't think so in the dream either. I don't know if that was the time or if it had been before that, but I exited the wrong direction and had to turn around in someone's driveway and come back out going the right direction.

So then I went to a grocery store. We really just wanted to get home but I went to a grocery store and I filled up my kart and then I began to leave. And as I was walking towards the exit, I stopped. And decided, I didn't want things to go this way, getting in trouble for stealing a bunch of groceries. Cause. It seemed like it was a possibility. Cause, I mean, I had just done it with the car. Almost mindless. And I mindlessly walked to the exit but I stopped and said, wait a minute. And people who work there were eyeing me like, you better turn around. So I did and I went to the check out line but it was really packed. They told me to start writing down what I had to make it easier for the person to check me out. But I didn't want to write down a pound of this and a dozen of that and Erin was already waiting in the car and I felt bad.

It's weird, cause I don't remember stopping at the grocery store. So I ditched my kart altogether and I went back to my car. I think Erin asked me about Chris. And then she asked me about my fiance. And what happened to him. lol. She meant Mike. and I said that we'd broken up. And I didn't want it to sound like I had thought we were going to get married and made a big deal out of it but then it turned out we were just silly kids who had broken up, as predicted. So, I said that if I could still be with him, I would. And then I thought, um, were we ever engaged? lol.

So that's about it.

So even though Kristen and I are dating again, her myspace survey said that she wasn't in love with me. I haven't heard her say she's in love with anyone but Kyle. I guess that's fine, since I'm not in love with her. But one wonders what the point of a relationship is if it's not about love. One definitely wonders.

I like talking to Felix but he kind of reminds me of Jeff. Jeff blunders in here, if that's the right way to put it. Just call me Wooster. In any case, he blunders in here with meh, feelings for me. He doesn't love me but he wants to date me. So I go along with it. And then he tries to kiss me, and then he tries to stick his hand down my pants. And it's kind of, meh, like he doesn't realize how I feel. Like he's doing what he wants with me, but he's not acknowledging that I'm not just an empty body. And it's all very quick, in only a couple days. And I'm just stunned. Like, how do you expect me to go along with this? And then he gets really mad because I'm not doing what he wants. And suddenly he hates me and he doesn't want to talk to me again.

It's not that extreme with Felix, but it feels like it's following the same path. Like we were talking and he obviously adores me lol. I don't know what it's about, he flirts with me. But I suppose it could very well be purely physical. And he loves it that I'm legal now. But I feel like a disappointment cause I don't accept his sexual advances. I'm not going to freakin cyber with him. So I feel like he won't talk to me now. And it's sad. Cause I obviously don't like feeling pressured to give him what he wants. But I'm also sad that if he doesn't want to talk to me now, that it means he really only cares about sex. and I think he's hot too. But I like his personality more. :( I'm such a girl. He's such a guy.

He hasn't stopped talking to me. But he was giving me TONS of attention. And now it's very halted in comparison.

He says, in response: "Uh. I've been talking to you for years. And I've never seen you nude... or ever will have the chance to have sex with you. Don't you think I would have stopped talking to you?" And then he said, "You're just a big tease, you think that's pleasant?"

But I only teased him to get his attention. lol.