What was that car doing sitting in my driveway blasting bumpy music? I don't know, it seems to be a friend of Amelia's.

So, I'm officially done with all my reports and things for school. Load off my shoulders. Actually, now that I think about it, I have to do a little editing on my draft for Creative Writing tomorrow. Damn. But the hardest part is out of the way and she said she liked it the way it was so I needn't go out of my way for her. I have 4 exams though. Three this Thursday, all piled on the same day. But I don't mind, really.

Then next Monday. When I have my damn court date for the ticket, too.

My dad was driving the opposite direction while I was driving to school and he said I came barreling around the corner at 90mph. I saw him but didn't recognize him cause he was driving the van and he usually doesn't. However, in my defense, I knew what I was doing. I was hugging the corner in a way that most people in the car would be like WHOA... but the speedlimit was 55mph and I was probably going 45-50mph, since I was holding down the breaks while I went around the corner. I really can't slow down too much or my car will die! It did like four times today. Plus, I was late for class...

So, Isis says "Autie." I'm forgetting the 'n' on purpose. She doesn't say it a lot. Just when I'm somewhere around the house and she wants me and she says AUTIEE! Today Amelia's cell rang and Isis covered her ears and said "MO." Mo means no, of course. And it probably meant that she didn't want Amelia to answer and start chatting on the phone and ignoring her.

Amelia is going on vacation to Florida, I told her I would take care of Isis all damn week. I don't want Anthony to have her.

Loren has purchased his ticket to England and he's purchasing other plane tickets and bus tickets and train tickets and etc to all the other countries he's got on his list. He leaves in a couple weeks and he says that when he comes back he'll go back to Utah and stay with Tristan.

I enjoy his company, I suppose. Not really a connection, per se. It's not that we have fun, but I like him there. I take him with me shopping or wherever and we watch movies. The only thing I hate is that he doesn't mind hurting me. If I slap him, he slaps me back. And I happen to slap him a lot. The other day we wrestled. None of that playful erotic wrestling on the bed, this was on the tramp and we weren't playing nice or fair. Surprisingly there were no lasting damages to my body. No bruises even. He probably went easy on me, although they did hurt for the time.

Tijana is getting married, I guess, so she probably will move out. My parents are gung ho, if that's how you spell it, to move to Virginia. But they'll probably wait a year, maybe next summer. Amelia will be done with school by then and she really needs the help with my mom babysitting Isis.

Amelia and I talked about moving in together after mom and dad leave. Cause I don't want to go to Virginia. I don't know where I'll be when I move out on my own. Sometimes I feel like living on my own as an adult is familiar. I know I've done it in other lifetimes and I've seen sooooooooo many movies and read so many books. It's like I've experienced it already, it hangs around me like a memory, so familiar. But then I crash into cold, hard reality and I'm like, wait, I haven't been on my own.

It's not so much scary as it's simply empty. I don't know who I'll be as an adult. I don't know what kind of life I'll have, what job I'll have, what apartment I'll have, what boyfriend I'll have. I've never been a Melissa-adult before and I just can't imagine what it's going to be like.

I don't really know how to communicate things to Dan. One, because he doesn't quite listen. Two, because he doesn't quite understand. And three, because it just hurts his feelings.

Truth of the matter is, the major reason why I don't want to get involved with him any further than it is is because it'll be unhealthy for him. I don't know how to say this without making it seem a bit conceited. It's not about how he feels about me, per se. It's not about me, it's about how he feels about himself and how he shapes his relationships to fulfill something that he can't fulfill himself. Something he could fulfill if things changed but that he, at least, feels he can't. And it's completely unhealthy, I refuse to fill that void. I can't condone those feelings.

And he ignores me when I discourage him. I don't want to be mean, and I don't want to make him sad. I don't want to have to reject him. I just want him to understand that I have no intent in advancing his unhealthy behavior. If he wants someone to fulfill him (of course they can't, but he thinks they will) he'll just have to find someone else.

I wear the ring on my right finger, not my left.