So I've been really social. I've talked to Kristen, Shawn, Garland and Alvin - who I haven't talked to for five years, and I never really talked to him all that much, in fact - on aim. And I've talked to Dan, Felix, Cory, Kayla, and Serigo on MSN.

That's not bad.

Plus I've talked to Mike, James, Maegan and Frank on Myspace. Most of them were the past two days. Except James and Mike, they were within the past week.

And I've talked to Felix on the phone. and I've started dating Kristen.

But it's weird and not entirely satisfying. I'm used to relying on myself. I'm used to satisfying myself. You can always count on yourself to be compatible, agreeable, enjoyable, on the same level. I understand myself. It's disheartening to know that other people don't.

And I've realized, there isn't a lot to talk about with these people. There really isn't.

I've tried not to get annoyed. Garland asked me to hang out. At 3AM. But I said no. And Cory asked for my cellphone number, but I said I didn't have one. I don't like lying, but I also don't like telling him that I don't want him to call me. I never should have answered his IM at all. I really don't like Cory anymore. He's very hateful and Nazish and I really don't agree with it at all. Kayla also asked me for my number, but I gave that to her. And Serigo asked me to hang out when he comes out here. And Felix has asked me to hang out once every hour.

I didn't really have anything to say to Alvin. And I didn't really want to talk to Garland. or Serigo. Or Kayla, really. Or Shawn.

I said Shawn was slower than Felix. But now I've realized that Felix is still slower than Frank. I miss Frank's dyanmic personality. His myspace says in a relationship. Which I think he only changed yesterday. Sad. :(

Of course my relationship changed too. But Kristen hasn't changed her status on myspace. ...

It happened in a whirlwind. All of these people IMing me and talking to me at once. Of course, the ones I'm intrigued by haven't a lot. i.e. James and Frank. Damn them.

I enjoy talking to Felix. He fancies me a bit though. Not that it's all one way. I want to go to Switzerland with him. :D That would be sooo awesome.

Lost in that fantasy.

Anyway. It's kind of empty and shallow. To be in this social world. How do you balance the two? The life of a philosopher and these shallow social relationships?

Plus, I haven't had much time to work on my book.. I mean it's only been a few days but I have been neglecting for a few days and I'm on a schedule and now I can't possibly meet my deadline. My deadline was for the end of May, I wanted to go through all that I have so far and delete all the crap that won't be useful for my book. But I have like 2,700 pages and I'd have to go through like 400 a day. It's not that it can't be done. Only that, what with being social... and taking care of Isis...

And the thing is, I'm having a hard time finding the balance. Because I was independent and now that I'm social, I find my independence missing. Like when I'm not talking to someone, I'm like, uhhhh, what do I do now? I just sit here empty and lost. I find it hard to flip a switch. Be social and dependent and conversational when people are around. But flip the switch and be independent and motivated when they're not around.

Although when they are around, I'm still not satisfied. That's what sucks. People are not satisfying... It really begs the question, what am I looking for? I like companionship, I have to admit. And thus far it's all been online or over the phone. So I would prefer to have people to hang out with. I have to hang out with Garland to return the books. And Kristen owes me a playdate, we have so many things planned. Felix and I would have a playdate if we could, of course. I could ask James but, you know him... I should ask him anyway. And I could go out with Serigo when he comes but meh.

I don't know how I'll like being rejected by James. Not to hold the matrix. I wonder if he's coming back to live with his dad.

Oops. I forgot all about this entry.

I miss Felix. :(