I long to hang out with James again. If I don't today, I won't be able to until Monday, but he works early in the morning and I like spending time with him at night when it's cool and dark and we're alone.

I'm waiting for Starbuck's to call me back. They should have yesterday or today. They don't have a good track record so I'm slightly worried.

Maegan asked me to hang out last night. And I said yes, but then I asked what we would do and she said that her sister wanted her to drink and I said that I would just watch and she told me to drink too but I told her I didn't so she said we would hang out another day.

But I don't want to leave until Starbuck's calls. And I want to hang out with James. I miss him.

I could read. And I think I'll make dinner, if I'm here.

Aloe Vera has saved my life. Except, although it has helped tremendously, it can't fix the problem.

I've got that irritation with Rob talking to me. He hasn't really talked to me since that time we hung out. I DON'T WANT TO DATE HIM. and I want to have the opportunity to tell him, but I can't if he doesn't talk about it first because that would be assuming he wants to date me and he'll probably just deny it and make things awkward. But I have to do something, because I have that I'VE GOT TO AVOID YOU BECAUSE IT MAKES MY TEETH GRIND TO THINK ABOUT YOU complex going on. I need to communicate how I feel to ease the pressure.

Falling in love with James is probably a stupid idea, right? I can't make his fear go away. I can't make him fond of me. I can't make him comfortable around me. I try, but I can't do it for him.

Well.. hmm. I miss Isis. She just soothes me. Whenever I feel anxious I know I can just go outside and watch her be cute and try to get her to give me a smooch. To which she often replies "mo". She's just a light in my heart, that I miss when she's not around. She'll be gone for like another 11 days.

I've just bullshitted the last hour. I want to cook dinner, I wanted to cook dinner an hour ago but it only takes a couple hours and then it would be ready by 4. Jeez, my mom cooks dinner at 7 at night. Yes, she begins it at 7, sometimes 8.

Why won't Starbuck's call so we can get this going? And then James can ask me to sleep over. :) ahah, he might never do that. But I want him to. And then after that's all settled I can find time to hang out with Maegan and Jon. And then I'll be seeing my nephews for a few days and my stripper sister and my grandpa.

And write. I'm making progress, of course, but I don't feel close to completing it and that worries me. There are only a couple more months left of summer and sometimes I can go a week without writing. I'm not like my dad who writes a few hours every day. Should I put off my last semester at CG until the spring? Hmm.