So on the Loren front, I was going to send him a myspace message saying that I was sorry for punishing him for not expressing himself. But I also still felt that I didn't want to be around him when he felt that way about me. And I told myself that he had also been rejecting doing anything with me lately, so there was no reason to apologize.

But he just came and knocked on my door and smiled all cheesy when I opened it, letting me know it was an awkward situation for us, which I liked. And he said that he was wrong. And I asked, for what? And I can't remember his answer because he continued the sentence with, and I figured out that I just don't like you and Amelia when you're driving. Interesting that he included Amelia. Ha. I said okayy. And he said k and left.

I should go down and say thanks or something. :) He was brave enough to be the one to apologize first.

So I did. I went down and complained that he was clipping his nails. lol. And I said thanks for his apology and told him that I was sorry that I had been punishing him for expressing himself when he had the right to express himself, to feel how he wanted about me, to think something of me even if it was bad. And that being defensive doesn't make it any less true that he feels that way.

He's going back to Utah in 2 weeks. Stephanie is flying the boys all the way out here from Utah, my nephews, and they're staying for like three days and then she's driving them and Loren all the way back to Utah. Crazy. It's much cheaper to have a round trip flight.

She's moving to... Vermont? NH? One of those places. Because of her fiance. So she won't be living in Utah anymore. I wish she would take the kids but she might leave them. I think she'll at least leave them with Evan for the school year and take them for the summer, or the other way around. Or maybe not have them at all. I want them to be over here so I can drive up and visit whenever I want.

I like to think that when people apologize it's because of some spiritual progress I've made. Yeah, that sounds horrible. I'VE MADE PROGRESS BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE TO APOLOGIZE. lol. But I know that it takes spiritual progress for them to apologize. Yet I also feel that I'm magnetizing that kind of behavior, instead of the angry horrible behavior, because of spiritual progress that I've made.

Like when Mike added me back. True, it had to take spiritual progress on his part to let go of the anger and hatred. But my part of the situation, even if I was doing everything right on the surface (not that I was, but even if I was), is that I was feeling that way about myself, hateful and angry. And I was afraid of it. And I was magnetizing his hate, asking for it really, because I would send him a message every once in a while asking to be friends, and he would bitch about me and say no. So I was magnetizing those reminders.

And then I stopped, accepted that there was nothing I could do. And I let it go. And then a year later, he added me. Or a year after I sent the last message.